Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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