You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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