then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
