She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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