Well apparently he's into motor boating.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
