No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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