You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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