k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
