She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
third nipple confirmed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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