oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
