I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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