its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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