By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
