I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
