i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
