I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize