I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
