Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
