Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
