Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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