I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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