How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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