There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
