youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
