Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
