How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
