that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
