I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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