if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
