I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
