That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
