I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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