ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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