just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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