I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
