Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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