its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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