And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
