you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
