Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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