yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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