what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
