Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
two words: eviction party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
