You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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