Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
