I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
