You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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