so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
