Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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