'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
