how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
